Chess

A simple Madlandish board game for two players.

Pieces
Pawn--Can be moved one space in any direction, but only once. Rook--Can be moved up to 7 spaces forwards or backwards. Or, it can stay in the same space and explode when the enemy draws near. KnightMoves like a retard; 2 spaces foward, 3 spaces backwards, 9 spaces right, 1 space forward and 12 spaces left. BishopCan be moved up to 2 spaces diagonally. Pope--Can be moved up to 7 spaces diagonally; or can be sacrificed to gain control of an enemy piece of lower value. King--Can't move. Spy---Can move to any unoccupied space on the board, or 1 space left or right. Queen-Can move in any direction but only every two spaces.MonkeyCan move 2 (and only 2) spaces forwards, backwards or sideways; is the only piece that can take Spies or Queens.

The Board
The board is 12 by 9 squares large. Each player gets 7 pawns, 2 rooks, 1 knight, 2 bishops, 1 pope, 1 king, 2 spies, 1 queen and 1 monkey. The pieces are placed at the 9 square wide end in two rows.

Here would be a picture of the chess board. But I can't put it here. So there isn't.

Rules
Here follows a rough translation from Jibba Jabba to Pakistanistanian of an ancient document detailing the rules of Chess:

Alle of the players pieces muste be tossed into the aire. Then the fates shalle decide who shalle goe firste. When the firste player is chosen, He or she or they wille set up the boarde by themselfe. Ye muste take it in turnes to move youre pieces. A Rooke can onlie take Pawnes or Bishopes. Pawnes can onlie take each other. Knightes can take any piece but Monkies, Queenes and Spyes. Bear thys in minde. Certaine pieces can explode. Exploding means alle the pieces one space around it in every direction is taken. You cante move a Spye after a Knighte. You cante move a Bishope after a Queene. You cante move the Kinge. The Spye, thoughe it can move anywhere, cante lande on an occupied space. It can onlie take pieces to the lefte or righte. The Pope cante be moved more than nine tymes. Then it explodes. If the Monkie is taken, it explodes. The Kinge has three lives. It muste be taken three tymes. After each tyme, it can be moved up to five spaces, once. The player who takes the Kinge three tymes firste is the winner.